I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The struggles of a small town man whore
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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