Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
