So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
