Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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