it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
