Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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