I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
