I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
