The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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