Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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