Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
