I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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