you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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