how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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