We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
