also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
