I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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