she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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