I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am one with the molecules
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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