He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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