what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
