moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
