i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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