This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
