Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
