More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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