wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
