halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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