Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
