no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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