I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
