Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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