either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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