I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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