We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
