After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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