Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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