Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
