is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am available for nakedness
I'm too high and old for this...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
