Can i not drive my cunt home
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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