so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
