Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
