The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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