I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
