its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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