woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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