The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
