Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
