I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
