There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
